The common denominators for student suicides include feeling trapped in a situation that seems impossible to deal with; feelings of shame, guilt or humiliation; feeling of being a burden, feelings of rejection, loss or loneliness; feeling like a victim, feeling hopeless and depressed.

No parent, no teacher, no institution wants to lose their children, their youth; and yet we lose them to the cruel jaws of self-embraced death, every day of the month, in some or other corner of the country.

What are the possible solutions to prevent the kind of circumstances and mental states that drive a student to attempt or commit suicide? Here are some reflections:

1. Shift in the Focus of Competition: 

Right from the birth, a child is pitched against another child in comparison, whether it is regarding their health or the achievement of developmental milestones. Be it their performance in an athletic race or achievement in school grades, success is measured through relative standards, how well is the child performing in relation to his peers. This very concept of success is self-defeating.

Firstly, it means that the child’s success doesn’t entirely remain in their hands; it also depends on how good or how poorly others are performing. Secondly, success comes to be viewed less as a self development exercise, and more as an exercise of self propulsion vis-a-vis others.  Children who are unable to prove their worth vis-a vis others, start viewing themselves as failures. So traumatic is the experience to some that they cannot even face life and decide to end their lives.

Family, teachers, schools and colleges must strive to shift the focus of competition from inter- child to intra -child competition. We need to teach our children to strive to be better than their previous selves, instead of judging themselves against others.

2. Unconditional Positive Regard:

Children are groomed in a way that makes them learn that others, such as their parents and teachers, will love them and approve of them only when they meet certain expectations. They keep struggling to prove their worth, and an inability to do so instills a fear of rejection in them.

Instead we must place them in an atmosphere of unconditional positive regard, wherein they are loved and respected for what they are as individuals, and not because of their accomplishments.

Can we, as parents and teachers, just sit with the children in our lives and tell them, “My child, I love you for what you are, not for the feathers in your cap. I shall always support you in your efforts at developing your skills and talents; and the values you learn and the wisdom you gain in the process will always make me happy. However, it is not your marks or your grades or your trophies that make you worthy or unworthy of my love. I love you unconditionally.”

3. A Shift from Pessimism to Optimism:

A missed opportunity doesn’t mean an end to opportunities. We need to teach our children to learn from their mistakes and move on to grasp new opportunities rather than remaining struck in what’s gone and over.

A failure in one test is not to be seen as an ultimate failure, or a perpetual reminder of one’s shortcomings, which only lowers the self esteem. Rather, it should be viewed as yet another opportunity to learn what worked and what didn’t work. Thomas A. Edison said, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. This is the attitude that we must try to develop in our children.

4. A Shift in Value System:

Most of the human sufferings have their root in materialism. For a student, marks, grades and job prospects are so important for survival in the materialistic world, that they are unable to value the wholeness of life for what it is. But life is something beyond these accumulations.

A couple of days back, my son, who is in college, shared with me these words:

“Strip a man of power, position or of money, what is he? He had all that show outwardly, but inside, he is empty, shallow, inwardly….The inner fullness far outweighs the outer. One can be robbed of the outer, outer events can shatter what has been carefully built up; but the inner riches are incorruptible, nothing can touch them, for they have not been put together by the mind.”

Wonderful words!

These are the words of Jiddu Krishnamurti, shared by one of their professors during a lecture, and these words did have a significant positive impression on his young mind, which was evident from the fervour with which he had shared these with his mother.

Such is the value system that education must strive to build upon, the endeavor to build upon inner riches, which cannot be blown away by any wind of adverse circumstances.

5. Taking out Time for Relaxation:

Life for a student, with its hectic pace is stressful. The problem of pacing up with the demands of the elaborate curriculum and managing time for studies and co-curricular activities, does put students under stress. The prolonged presence of stress hormone cortisol can reduce the levels of serotonin and dopamine, which results in depression. Relaxation through yoga, meditation, deep breathing and physical exercises, help in restoring the serotonin and dopamine balance in the brain. Relaxation activities release endorphins in the body that relieve pain and elevate mood. We must encourage the youngsters to remain physically active and practice relaxation techniques, however busy their work schedules may be.

6. Proactivity of those around:

A student contemplating suicide, does show some warning signals in most of the cases. There would be a marked change in the student behaviour. Such students become depressed and withdrawn. They may show erratic and impulsive behaviour, including self-mutilating behaviour. They may also convey the feeling that they are fed up of life, or that they think that they should end their life. However, they do not really know that their thinking is restricted and irrational which can be corrected through assistance. It is therefore, more of a responsibility on part of the people around to take a proactive step. If we notice the warning signals in any student, we must obtain assistance for the student immediately.

A proactive step by a watchful parent, teacher or friend may save a life!

(The views expressed are personal)